Saturday

Luigi thinks I'm getting old.

It was a real effort not to laugh at him then, not to laugh out loud. I should be glad, I should embrace the onset of age. Let them retire me, Let them let me go and then...and then...

Let them let me go.

I remember a woman...blonde hair, green eyes, who said we were like the corporate Mafia. She was dying at the time so I didn't give her a second thought but she said something very true.

You don't get out do you? Y'can't. They'll take you out.

That's...

Because if anything were to happen to me, if I were to go...let them let me go...



I harbor no allusions about Rotti. He's...He's been good to me. He's been understanding. I..I...Marni, Marni-

She'd help me get out. I wouldn't be worried if she were here because she'd...she'd take care of shilo. Shilo would be safe with her but not with them. Not with any of them, if something were to happen to me they'd take her and they'd...

They'd defile her somehow. Extreme words, but I've seen this city's true face. (How very trite, I was watching Watchmen on Pay-to-View last night.) They'd take her innocence.

Use her up. Spit her out. I'm all that's keeping her safe, all that's keeping the good in her safe. And that means...

I work. Despite the ball. It'd be trite to go in my work uniform but I'm going to have to if those two lovers are there. I think I'll slip out. Maybe get Celia to help me.

.....This could be fun. It's been awhile since I've partied. The last masquerade ball I went to-

Marni was alive.

She went as a swan. She had this beautiful white dress with all these feathers and Rotti Largo was Zeus or something and I was...I don't remember what I was. I think I was me and I think that drove her nuts because she kept saying the whole point of going to a costume party was to be something other then who you are. Something greater.

....I'll be going as a repo-man dear. Is that greater enough? IS that more terrifying? Think if I showed up in uniform people'd scream or compliment me on the design? Think they'd know? I'll be the masque of the red death at Largo's Ball Marni, just you wait and see.

Just you wait.

Ed Note: This idea just made me wanna cry so bad when I thought of it.

Title: These things we do for you
Fandom: Repo: The Genetic Opera (RP)
Characters: Nathan and Shilo
Why?: Because I made a Nathan bear build-a-bear and this just wrote itself.
Apologies: To My darling daughter Shilo...because this broke me hard.

( It'll all click when the mortgage clears, all our fears will disappear, you go to bed, I'm staying here, I've got another level I wanna clear.. )

Wednesday

It's always been a constant source of vexation to me when people decide to change things without notifying the appropriate parties.

For instance, it stands to reason that if you are making a schedule you adhere to it. People have these things called prior commitments that have Nothing to do with GeneCo..

But that of course is speaking utter blasphemy.

Irregardless! I shall arrive promptly and on time, as I always have, and I shall do my job As I always have.

I shouldn't be surprised.

I signed a contract for a reason but there's something about a day when the gloom might just be lightening and shilo is being...well...quiet that makes me nostalgic for doing something that isn't my job.

I suppose I shall have to think of ways to make it more fun then.

Date:	2009-03-19 15:48
Subject:	[first person / journal sample]
Security:	Public
Mood:	indescribable
Music:	Nina Simone-Sinnerman

Thursday

I wonder where I learned to write in a journal.

Aquired the habit, embraced the medium, asked myself to take the burden of recording thoughts for future generations.

Looking back, I think it came from dad. I mean if I had to be really honest with myself I can remember him putting down his workload and finding solace in taking a few hours to do something for himself.

I was never much for sociology.

Or for the study of human behavior. Something my father prided himself on. You can learn alot by simply watching people. Doctor Wallace was a great people watcher.

Their strengths and their weaknesses will play out for you and make it easier to make a diagnosis. Alot of what makes people sick Nathan has to do with their own defficiencies, defficiences it is your job as a doctor to correct.

I think I remember asking him what right we had to play god before he ignored me and went back to his work. Now that I'm older...

Wiser, anger. stupider...-

I can see where he's coming from. I can hate him for it and see where he's coming from because no matter how deep you cut, no matter how much you try to heal there is no escaping the sheer fact that we are human. Flawed. weak pathetic.

Something that can always be improved upon. I recognize that not everything can be cured unlike my father before me and my child-

Shilo-

Shilo...

I think a sign that there's hope in the world is that our children can learn from our mistakes. I hope.

Working late tonight. Wasn't supposed to, it was my day off. They can stomach me being late just this once dammit-we had corn beef and cabbage for St. Patricks day and I want to eat with my daughter.

Date:	2009-03-19 09:59
Subject:	The REPO MAN
Security:	Public
Mood:	stressed
Music:	Blow-Prom Kings